Friday, May 11, 2007

Warning: Black Goo May Cause Spousal Abuse

For anyone that has thus far decided to resist the pressure and avoid the throngs of people at Spider-Man 3, here is a quick reference guide for the high and low points of the movie.


Bruce Campbell
Bruce Campbell's accent
Bruce Campbell's moustache
Tobey Maguire bitch-slapping Kirsten Dunst
Animation on the Symbiote
Spider-Man vs. Green Goblin #1
Stan Lee (he's so kraaaazeh)

Bryce Dallas Howard
Kirsten Dunst's singing
The Sandman (what a pussy villain)
Eddie Foreman...uh...Eric Brock...screw it, just call him "That 70s Venom"
Emo-Parker, doing his best West Side Story impression
Emo-Parker, post-Fighting those greasy Sharks
Tobey Maguire's crying
James Franco's strange likeness to Willem Defoe
James Franco's "bump" on Mary-Jane's head
Sam Raimi's "Look what I made on iMovie!" opening
The unnecessary storyline involving Peter Parker's door

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