Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Radio Ga-Ga

When I have the opportunity to drive at work, I also have the opportunity to listen to the radio more than I have for many years. Depending on my mood, I'll just scan through the radio and stop whenever I hear a song I like and haven't heard so much I'd rather stab my ear than hear it again1.

More often than not, though, I'll listen to The Edge until 10 when Josie Dye begins polluting the airwaves, and The Fan after 10. I've complained about people before, but a new victim is in my crosshairs.

There are plenty of annoying people on The Fan. Brady and Lang in the morning are actually pretty good, but they're both hyperactive. Jeff Blair is unbelievably full of himself. Nick Kypreos is good but holds himself in far too high of esteem and Doug MacLean is frustrating due to his Don Cherry-like inability to bother pronouncing names properly.

But none of them can hold a candle to Andrew Krystal - one of Canada's most "controversial" radio personalities. He was originally the new morning guy, but then they decided to move him before Prime Time Sports when he essentially became a cheap parody of Bob McCown.

He insults callers, cuts them off, and generally derides opinions that don't align with his own. He's not actually particularly knowledgeable about sports, but knows just enough to make him feel comfortable beating his chest and shouting his opinions.

But, there was always something that I couldn't quite put my finger on. I realized it a couple of days ago - he's like the hacky comedian that swoops into town 10 minutes before a show, asks somebody something about the town, and then proceeds to spend an entire hour pontificating about the one useless piece of trivia they've received.

Bob Hope

Essentially, each of his episodes can be broken down into the following things that he seems to think are universal truths:

1. Toronto fans hate the Montreal Canadiens
2. Canadians love Don Cherry
3. Hockey violence is bad unless it's fighting or hitting
4. Toronto is the greatest city in the world (this despite spending several years decidedly not in Toronto)

There are others, such as his constant refrain that he loves capitalism, hates communism, but believes that sports tickets should be more readily available to "the common man". Actually, on his show today, he was prattling on about how Toronto sports fans are only Leafs fans - rather than "hockey" fans - because of all the money they have, which allows them to regularly go to Leafs games. After the break, he (in his mind) made that point more clear by complaining that not enough people can afford to go to Leafs games.

But, I digress. Let it rest at this - radio personalities should not be allowed to regularly say "Testify, brother" unless they are a 1960s Baptist preacher.

Go away, Andrew Krystal. Go away.

1 - Such as "Rope" by Foo Fighters, which I originally didn't hate

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