Thursday, October 27, 2011

Winter Driving Tips

As the temperature drops inevitably below zero, and we sense that the snow is coming, The Mike Statement would like to offer some helpful winter driving tips.

Clearing Off the Car

Remember, when driving, the snow on your car will remain completely stationary and will not blow off on drivers around you. Also, your rear window defrost is more or less the temperature of lava, and will melt any amount of snow.

Therefore, this is the maximum amount of snow you should remove from your car.


Parking

Remember this picture:


That which qualifies as poor parking in the summer is exactly how you should park when a small amount of snow is covering the lines during the winter. Particularly when parking in a mall on Christmas Eve to minimize the number of people that can park in actual parking spots.

Remember, your car is substantially larger in the winter than it is in the summer, so you absolutely need to make sure not to park in spots you've been using for the past six months.

Finally, Driving

The day before the first snowfall of the year


The first snowfall of the year


As soon as the snow stops actually falling from the sky


The second another snowflake touches the road


Every snowflake is unique, which means every new snowflake is a new metal-rending, bone-splintering, havoc-inducing piece of frozen water. It is imperative you forgot all the driving experience you've gained during each winter in which you've driven, and safely panic on the roads with everyone else driving two cars wide on a four-lane highway.

Remember, although rare, if you live in Canada, you may need to drive in winter conditions. You'd think it would be as simple as driving like you would the rest of the year, but with slightly more caution, but you'd be wrong. Panic, and panic hard. The world is ending. Until at least April.

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