Monday, November 28, 2011

At the Risk of Being Mocked



People recently named Bradley Cooper its newest Sexiest Man Alive.1 And while I agree pretty well wholeheartedly with that selection, what about the ladies? Where are they?


Granted, when we males congregate to select a list of women for...well...anything, we generally just feature oiled up women that will show off their gear for the nearest camera. There's probably also some sort of a sociological part behind given women a man to drool over, as it turns on its ear the age-old situation of men imagining themselves with people other than their wives, blah blah blah. I want to know what's in it for the guy that isn't dragged to a romantic comedy?


I ask this as the release date approaches for New Year's Eve. The ladies get Ashton Kutcher, Zac Efron, and Josh Duhamel. Who do the men get? Recycled TV stars!2

But, I digress, I'm trying to not sound like just another douchebag guy, who's criteria for a "hot chick" is that she's A) hot and B) a chick. What about the women who's eyes you can't look away from? The ones that command your attention on-screen even when they're not the focal point. The ones that, somehow, even though you don't know them, seem like you'd just want to be in the same room with them. The ones with a certain gravitas.

You see, what we're really talking about here, are the ones that you have schoolyard crushes on. The female versions of the Johnny Depps, Eddie Vedders, John Corbetts, and Patrick Fugits.

Kate BeirnessJenna Fischer
Anna KendrickNatalie Portman
Zooey Deschanel

I find myself captivated with these five ladies3 - Kate Beirness, Jenna Fischer, Anna Kendrick, Natalie Portman, and Zooey Deschanel. There really doesn't need to be a reason why, does there? Is beauty not in the eye of the beholder? I am simply captivated. I am also very lucky that Meaghan is kind enough to let me indulge in these captivations, with nary more than a "Oooooh! It's your girrrrrlfiend!" She even lets me watch New Girl without mocking me for my crush.

These are the types of women we should be featuring on the fronts of magazines that guys will read. We don't need to care about Kim Kardashian's marriage, or someone's latest trip to rehab. We need to care about the wonderfully growing number of female anchors on sportscasts.

We need to care about the fates of prime time television shows that aren't reality shows.

We need to care about the fact that ANNA KENDRICK IS ONLY IN, LIKE, 5 MINUTES OF BREAKING DAWN WHEN I WAS SPECIFICALLY TOLD OTHERWISE.

But, it most likely won't happen. Probably because they're not going to take their gear off for the cameras any time soon. Which is probably part of the reason I find them so captivating.

1 - A solid choice, admittedly
2 - Except for Katherine Heigl, I suppose
3 - Sorry, ladies, I am very happily taken

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